Change is possible, it’s in your hands

It seems like I start every blog post with an apology these days. I have so much I want to write and share, my brain is always working over-time, but it’s difficult to get it onto a page or screen.

This is one of the blog posts that has been tucked away in my mind for a while. It has circled my thoughts often. Today I’m finally sharing it with you. It’s not an easy topic, it makes both Paul and I uncomfortable writing about such difficult and personal experiences. I wanted to write this however, because I have faith that you will read this, share this, and one day things will be different.

I’m sure that lots of know that P recently made a report for ITV News Wales. The report was about carers and the importance of the support (or rather, the lack of) they receive.

As Kieron Rees (Carers Trust Wales) said, the support carers receive is often seen as a nice little extra, but anyone who has cared full-time knows that even something as simple as a monthly book club can be a lifeline.

This report came about after research found that 80% of carers experience loneliness, and over half struggle with depression.

At times, Paul has been stuck indoors day after day, week after week. Sometimes the only interaction he had was at the supermarket. It’s hard to imagine what that does, not only to your mental health, but also your physical.

This has a domino effect. When Paul’s health was jeopardised, my health suffered too. There were times when he couldn’t get out of bed, so neither could I. We couldn’t eat or even get wash and dressed.

I am sharing these awful times, because I want it to change. It has to change. With a growing, ageing population, it’s very likely that every one of us will either need care from a relative, or care for a relative ourselves, perhaps even both.

When the government, through social services, fails to provide support, people like Paul end up not only unable to work, but also become ill themselves.

It’s hard to have illness affect your life, but that’s a walk in the park compared to watching it take over the life of someone you love. I’ve often considered leaving Paul so that he can have a better life.

Our social worker in Cardiff was amazing. She was so compassionate, really listened to what was going on inside the walls of our flat and strove to find us help. Unfortunately, there was very little, to nothing, she could do to provide physical help.

Our experience of social services here in Carmarthenshire has been very different. Now we live in adaptable accommodation. Social care could be introduced, to take some of the burden off Paul, and to help me begin to gain some independence. However, we struggle to get them to stay in contact with us, let alone actually take us seriously enough to provide help.

I hate it when I see P make phone call after phone call only to make little progress. We have almost given up hope. There was one instance in which we hadn’t heard from them for three months before we chased them up, only to find that nothing had been achieved. What really drives me insane is that they believe this is perfectly okay. Why should we expect to hear anything?

I’m telling you all of this to raise awareness. I’ve lost count of the amount of people (including healthcare professionals) who have told us about all the wonderful help available, but it’s a myth.

The awful thing is that we are not an isolated situation, and I dare say we are just the tip of the ice berg. Our situation is improving, but that is only because my health has. P has been determined not to let this beat him. He’s adapted and found ways to cope, but he’s done it alone, and the hard way.

I don’t want that to happen to anyone else, but I know that as I write this, many people will be struggling, about to topple, under the weight of being a carer.

At this point, you may be asking yourself what you can do to help. There are two ways you can help change the lives of carers.

Carer’s week is coming up, and every year I urge people to do something nice for the carers they know. You might not be able to provide regular help, but you can buy them a gift, or drop in for a coffee. I wish I could find the words to explain what this would mean to a carer.
The other thing you can do is very simple and easy, share anything and everything that helps raise awareness. Let politicians know that you care about these things. It’s so quick and easy to send a tweet. Share this blog post and share the links below.